Before I am Famous

Looking at his watch for the fifth time since he arrived, Grumpy discovered it was 4 am, only one more hour until the store opened. This was not how he wanted to spend his morning, standing in a line in sub zero temperatures. He had much better things to do such as sleeping, making pancakes, subsequently eating a man sized stack of pancakes, and topping the day off with a marathon of Laverne and Shirley.

Today was supposed to be his special relax day nut the wife conned him into buying the Patty Poops A Lot doll for Maggie, his granddaughter. Of course, he has a soft spot for Maggie. The wife promised him a pot roast dinner with all fixings and that sealed the deal. How could he possibly pass up beef for Laverne and Shirley?

When asked why the wife couldn’t go, she told she had to be somewhere else. Patty Poops A Lot was only on sale at one store. He looked at the swelling line. Grumpy planned on getting there earlier but he needed coffee and it’s a rule one must have doughnuts with coffee. A white haired woman talked to her friend about the Patty doll.

Thinking of Maggie’s smile when she opened the doll, made him determined to get that doll. Although he was more of a bah-hum bug type, Maggie lit his world. When she learned to talk she tried calling him Grampy but it came out Grumpy and it stuck.

The store lights flickered on. People started pushing forward to the door. Grump couldn’t understand how his wife did this insanity. It didn’t matter; he would be successful in buying the doll and eating a roast beef dinner. The doors opened. Floods of people raced into the store. Shopping carts were snatched up like hot brownies out of the oven. People ran in one direction- toys.

Damn Grumpy thought. He hadn’t really run in maybe 15 years but he had to. Even we he had to relieve himself, he never hurried. Catching sight of the granny that stood in front of him, she dashed wildly to the doll section. Oh hell Grumpy thought I can take her.

Then it hit like a punch in the gut, he had to go, the coffee was coming through. Granny saw him coming and shoved him. This angered Grumpy. He forgot about his aching bladder, catching up with Granny and pushed her to the floor, laughing as he ran.

“Hey you could have broken my hip!” she yelled.

Up ahead he saw the Patty Poops A Lot. There was one left and he had to get it. Grumpy didn’t care who stood in his way he knocked or pushed them over. Success! He grabbed the package.

“That’s my doll, old man,” said the white haired granny.

“No, I got it fair and square,” Grumpy told her.

She reached for it; he swung around feeling his back crack and took off through the myriad of people. Rapidly, Granny caught up to him. Up ahead sat a bin of large stuffed animals, he grabbed a huge bear and threw it at her. It whacked her in the face.

“Give me that doll!” she shouted. He bought himself an extra minute. Remembering his bladder, he considered his options. No, he had to buy the doll and get the hell out of the store.

Grumpy weaved through aisles. Finding himself in the bed linen aisle, he tossed the neat packages of sheets on the floor. But she tricked him and came up the other end. She got in one good smack and grabbed the doll, cackling as she took off.

Grumpy followed her; she didn’t go to the checkout. “Not so smart,” he said to himself. He stayed close. Apparently, her plumbing needed to be drained. She went to the bathroom. Her friend stood guard. Someone she knew approached her and the gab fest began. Grumpy made his move, snatching the doll. The friend made a commotion. He dashed to the cash registers.

He heard granny yelling. The lines were too long so he paid each person $10 to let him go in front of them. He was next in line.

The tired cashier rang up the toy. He handed her his MasterCard. Since granny didn’t pay anyone they wouldn’t let her cut in line.

“Mr. Shorts,” the cashier said, “our machine is down, do you have another way to pay?”

Somehow granny closed the gap. He looked in his wallet and had a $100 bill. “Give me my doll, old man,” granny said. Giving the cashier the hundred, he grabbed the bad and rushed out the door. He heard the cashier call for him to come back. It didn’t matter. Still in super speed, he drove off.

A few minutes later he pulled out and relieved himself. Hot toy of the season on sale for $30, $240 is the price he paid to retain the doll; Maggie’s joy, priceless. Of course, Grumpy could have bought the doll at full price and save a lot more.

He looked at his watch. He had plenty of time for a nap, pancakes, the Laverne and Shirley marathon and juicy pot roast. His day wasn’t ruined after all.

A special thanks to I am a Lover of Children’s Literature at My 2 Cents 4 the Day for help with this story!!

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