Before I am Famous

literature is something we infer after the story is told

Firefly Chapter 18

Posted on | July 7, 2008 |

Fireflies. Ray saw dozens of them, gently sailing through thick summer air. When Carrie and Ray were five, before their first day of school, Aunt Beth took them to field at dusk. There were hundreds of fireflies blinking on and off like floating lighthouses. They ran in the field, reaching for pieces of light. Carrie and Ray laughed as they fell to the ground. Gazing at the infant night sky with its faint starlight and blinking bugs, they were free.

Ray knew something was wrong. She didn’t feel Carrie’s hair against her cheek. Her heart sank. She just knew Carrie was gone. Forcing her eyelids, she saw a sterile haze. Ray awoke. She blinked a few times and her eyes adjusted. She turned and looked at her sister. Carrie was horrible.

Carrie ‘s head was shaved and bruised and stitched. Yet, she looked peaceful, probably because that is how they made dead people look. Ray was alive and she was alone.

Aunt Beth stirred in the chair and grabbed Ray’s hand, “hey Theresa.”

“Aunt Beth,” Ray murmured. Aunt Beth hugged her.

“I have something to tell you,” she started.

“Carrie,” Ray interjected.

“She’s brain dead.”

“She’s gone Aunt Beth. I know she’s gone,” Ray exploded into tears. Beth joined in with her own.

A tall man in a white coat entered the room, “Oh good you are awake. I’m Dr. Robertson and you are at Albany Memorial. You were airlifted here two days ago from Catskill.” He turned to Beth, “have you told her?” She nodded.

“Do you want to talk about the accident or do you want to wait until later?” Dr. Robertson asked Ray.

“I guess now would be okay,” Ray whispered.

He wheeled a stool over and sat beside her, “I am very sorry we couldn’t save Carrie. We tried our very best but the rod pierced her brain in such a way that she hemorrhaged too badly then had a stroke. In one way she’s alive because you are breathing yet. We took you off the ventilator yesterday. Here is the truth, Carrie will never wake up, she’ll never breathe or talk or anything else.”

Ray looked over at Carrie, “why am I alive?”

“Luck I guess but the way and your sister were wired in a way that you could operate the body. We have an option for you so that you may continue to live.”

“What do you mean?” Ray asked.

The doctor cleared his throat and fidgeted some, “well we think we can remove Carrie’s head. Then with therapy and back braces we can offer you a life. Of course we cannot guarantee that you will live or the surgery will be a success. We cannot guarantee how long you’ll live.”

“I want to be alone,” Ray said.

Dr. Robertson nodded, “okay think about it, Theresa.”

“You too, Aunt Beth.”

“Okay sweet heart,” Beth said and kissed her on the cheek.

A life without Carrie? Is it even possible? All her short life she wondered what it would be like if she and Carrie had separate bodies. Now here was her opportunity; she didn’t want it now. Ray wanted Carrie to wake up and nag her study or whatever. Ray screamed Carrie’s name but nothing. She broke down. Ray knew she could live without Carrie but doesn’t want to. Ray was nothing without Carrie. She wanted to die. She had to die. Why was she still alive?

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