Before I am Famous

literature is something we infer after the story is told

Tarot and My Neurosis

Posted on | July 20, 2008 | No Comments

I don’t know if I am really neurotic, the jury is still out on that one. I found a blog called Stir the Cauldron on Entrecard the woman who runs the site is a Wiccan does free Tarot readings. I sent her an email asking if I would ever become famous.On Saturdays she posts a tarot reading of the week. Though mine was not posted she sent me a reply email back. Here is what she wrote:

8 of wands, Queen of Wands, Magician – all three in reverse.
Wands of activity, great haste, speed, and great hope, take things in stride, move forward holding nothing back. In reverse, major obstacles in your way, you can overcome them, but your haste may get in the way, the obstacles will take time to overcome.
A woman with a magnetic personality, creativity, the staff she holds is blooming with life and potential. In reverse – holding back the spark of self and creativity, keeping it hidden. You know what you want, you are independent, but are allowing yourself to be swayed from the goals you want in life
Magician creates something out of nothing and so can you. Your life is under your control, it can be what you want it to be, the power of creation and destruction rests with you. In reverse – self doubt and lack of confidence creates feeling of powerlessness and dependance on sources outside your control. Remember your life is in your hands, you have limitless potential, your will is your power, even when all worldly power and resources seem lost, you are never truly powerless for your true power comes from within can never be destroyed.

Goddess Oracle Card – OOnagh (Easy Does It) – “Everything is occurring in perfect timing. Do what is imporant to you with absolute devotion. Remember there is no competition for your true life’s purpose, no need to worry, no need hurry or force things to happen.”

From the cards and what I am sensing from my guides is that whether or not you are ever “famous” isn’t really important, but that stepping forward with confidence and joy you can create the life you truly want. Fame is not the goal, your creativity, excitment and potential in life will unfold before you, grab life boldy with both hands and move forward.

In a lot of ways I do hold myself back from being something better than what I am. I am afraid. Afraid of a lot of things, I suppose the big thing is respect from other people, my blog being shut down because of the stories, fear of rejection. Of course, I don’t think anyone revels in rejection.

I am also incredibly disorganized. My life doesn’t lend to time where I can focus on one thing. I have been like this all my life. The best sucessful people make time for things. Sure I make time for a lot of things however I do or try to do too many things at one time. Look at me right at this minute and see what I am doing, blogging, starting a business, being a mother, cleaning, cooking, reading, thinking, writing and whatever else. I don’t spend enough do anything writing related even though I said I was going to. I say a lot of things that just don’t get done. Even if I woke up before Sunshine and went on the computer not to blog but to edit or write or anything even for 2 hours that is more than I do right at this moment.

I say I want to be a published writer, that is what I dream of but I don’t try hard enough. I don’t do enough work to make that happen. I don’t take enough risks, not with writing the story, not with sending it away. I used to have issues having my parents read what I wrote but I grew out of that we are all adults but I am still fearful of people in general.

Paradoxically, I’m the biggest blogging junky in the world. The whole reason I started to blog was for one thing, to have people read my work. I just want to be read and maybe in the limelight. I am too scatterbrained and I can’t stay focused with a definitive goal in mind.

For example, for Claire’s writing contest I wrote and edited a new story no one has ever read before. I did nothing else except work on that story. I was relentless. I worked until early morning just plugging away at the story. One week and three thousand words later, I sent in my story. It is the same thing with Weekly Shorts stories. Since I dedicated Saturday night to Weekly Shorts, after Sunshine goes to bed I will sit down and write a story in a hour.

I am a huge procrastinator unless there is a reward somewhere. Blogging is a reward because there is an audience I try to please and in some twisted fashion I live for that one person who might come and read and maybe even like what I wrote.

Perhaps it is not a question enough but a question of focus. Can I make a goal and keep it? Because if I want something bad enough as much as I want to be a respected writer, a published writer, a writer that tells the naysayers to shove where the sun don’t shine and I don’t care what they think, then I should figure out what to do and do it. I am the one with my busy, chaotic brain, frenzied, and stressed that lives for all those things are also the same things destroying my dreams as well.

Category: thoughtful essays

Comments

No Responses to “Tarot and My Neurosis”

  1. peggy
    July 20th, 2008 @ 5:51 pm

    I tried to check out her site but it’s not free from what I can see. Maybe I’m looking at the wrong place?

  2. Chubz
    July 20th, 2008 @ 9:57 pm

    hey..this is cool. I checked out Stir of Cauldron and emailed for my free tarot reading as well. thanks for the info J Scott. ;)

    Chubzs last blog post..Bar Lola at Portland,Maine

  3. The Drawing | Mixed Metaphor.net
    August 6th, 2008 @ 11:49 pm

    [...] Jennifer M. Scott – Tarot and My Neurosis [...]

  4. AlexM
    August 16th, 2008 @ 7:03 am

    Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

    AlexMs last blog post..EMT: Mobiil-ID flash promo site

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