Before I am Famous

literature is something we infer after the story is told

Dear Ana

Posted on | October 29, 2008 | 7 Comments

December 1

Dear Ana,

Where do I begin? I know my letters are becoming fewer and fewer as the years go by. Emails are so impersonal. And sometimes, sometimes things just need to be said in a letter. My dear friend checked my email as I can’t remember what to do. You know I am more of a book and paper kind of man. Dear sister, your children are beautiful.

Ana, I do wish things were different and I could come to your home, to see my nieces and nephews eyes light up at my arrival screaming, “Uncle Paul’s here! Uncle Paul’s here!” I would reach down and hug them all and present them with gifts and goodies.

But I suppose, Ana, things doesn’t work out that way. Even you, my baby sister, I barely know you as I was Seminary then at the Vatican while I grew. I only know you through letters and emails. Regrets don’t get us anywhere does it?

As I am writing this letter, snow is falling. I hope you enjoy the snow as much as I did when I lived in Turkey. Snow is truly a wondrous thing. Pure virgin snow can make everything at peace even for a short while.

I feel that I am at the end of my life, dear sister and even as the snow falls , I know this would be the last time I will witness it’s. You may be thinking God’s gift but I have so much to share with before my soul disappears, answers to questions you may have about why I left the Vatican and why I am essentially hiding in New York City as a teacher of religion at the Catholic school in Brooklyn.

As you know, I graduated the seminary and was placed to work and study at the Vatican in the archives, only because of my ability to speak and write in fluent Sanskrit. At the time, my destiny and servitude to God were realized. I enjoyed my work immensely. Day after day, I read, wrote and transcribed as if I were a monk through the dark ages.

One Christmas, I supped with Pope John Paul the second. A man so pious and full of the light of God, being in his presence felt as if you were with you God. I know now that he must have known the truth as I know the truth now.

Years passed by and while working, I came across a scroll of parchment. It was frail like butterfly wings. I was alone and carefully I unrolled the scroll. Written in Sanskrit were the words of Jesus himself. Words I never saw or heard of before. Perhaps no one knew of this message. It was a letter to his mother, Mary. I could recite the letter but I will not. The important part of the letter will stay with me always.

He wrote, “Dear Mother, I know now, God, our heavenly father lives in our hearts. How could I be the son of God when he lives in all of us the pious and the sinful? Is there a heaven, I do not know. To live well is to live knowing God is inside all of us.”

Dear Ana, do you know what this means? There is no need for churches or religion; just a simple knowledge of god existing within us all. I know the truth had to be told it was the right thing, the moral thing to do.

I met with my supervisor. He read the letter. His face jumbled with mixed emotion finally he spoke with an arctic chill, “You shall never speak of this to anyone.” I tried to reason with him, “These are the words of Jesus Christ our supposed savior. We can save ourselves with God inside.”

“Rubbish”

And with the use of an ailing penny candle, he passed the letter over the flame. In seconds the letter turned to ash. Many nights, I laid awake thinking about the church built on lies. How could it be? We were taught to bear the truth and bring people to the light of God. But the people had the light they had just to know they did. Maybe things would be different. There is no right God because God is universal in all of us, no matter the name.

Faith, I lost all my faith in power of the church and the goodness that it encompassed. To keep secrets, to change the truth is not what I believed piety to be. How can I stand by and let the dishonesty continue forth with no repercussions.

After that my life became unbearable. I tried to reason with anyone but they saw me as a trouble maker and I was stripped of my cloth and they sent me out into streets with nothing. That first night was cold in Rome. I found a church with arms open.

I went inside; the penny candles glimmered like star light in the dim church. I sat in a pew and felt comfort. Father Giovanni sat beside me and we talked. I didn’t tell him anything about the scroll. He did know that I had nothing, he offered his help. I slept at the church and was comforted by the warmth and the familiarity of church.

He helped me leave Rome and come to the United States. Father McNamara assisted me when I arrived. After some time, I trusted and told him about my discovery.

Listening closely, he said he believed that god was inside us all but some people want or can’t recognize that and turn to religion of any form because people need to believe in something to make the days bearable.

Perhaps Jesus was enlightened by this fact and knew others would be if they were told. Instead, dear sister, we are told to confess our sins because we are bad and we’ll burn in hell and die a thousand deaths. Where does that get us, fear of purgatory, forcing using to practice religion? Why should we fear the unknown and death in particular because God is with us always? Do you not think if everyone knew God was in our hearts things would be different?

I don’t go to Mass anymore or read the Bible except Psalms. I sit in a church just to be near other people searching for substance.

My heart is bad and I just know my life will soon be done. If there is such a place as heaven we will meet there and if not I will always be in your heart. Please tell your children I love them always.

Your devoted brother,

Paul

 

Special thanks to Guy at the Link Back Project for help with this story!!

Category: weekly shorts

Comments

7 Responses to “Dear Ana”

  1. ~willow~
    October 31st, 2008 @ 1:22 am

    this is lovely, and reflects my stand on religion in general. I enjoyed this tremendously. Very touch, and hopefully thought-provoking to others :)

  2. ~willow~
    October 31st, 2008 @ 1:23 am

    [correction: very touchING]

    ~willow~s last blog post..Trick arrrr Treat!

  3. Dragon Blogger Makes 2nd Place In This Weeks WOOF Contest | Wanderer Thoughts
    November 3rd, 2008 @ 7:39 pm

    [...] M Scott – “Dear Ana” – A story about a man who loses [...]

  4. Jack Avisos
    March 26th, 2009 @ 9:42 pm

    Well, iam foreing, iam not very good writing in english, i just wanted to say thanks for this !

  5. Government Loan Modification Program
    March 27th, 2009 @ 11:34 pm

    Nicely said, I enjoy the time that it took to research and write. Great work.

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    March 28th, 2009 @ 4:40 pm

    Thats what I thought and you really helped me prove my point with this post. I cant wait to show my friend so he can see he was wrong. – Walter

  7. Jasmin Avisos
    March 29th, 2009 @ 11:17 pm

    Hey ! i just wanted to say that it is nice that a person like you taked the time to write about this ! Thanks !

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